Friend or Foe

Lots of questions have been rolling through my head lately about friends; more specifically what makes a good friend. With some of the things I have gone through since last November, I have learned that some people I thought were friends were not, or at least did not know how to show their friendship in tough times. At the Thursday morning men's bible study, I overheard someone ask why certain characteristics of the world were becoming so common in the church (general church, not a specific church). I think one of the reasons is that we don't understand or are afraid of being a true friend.
One of the lessons God is teaching me is that a true friend speaks up with correction. Mathew 18:14-16 talks about going to a brother that has hurt you and "work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend."(Message) Unfortunately what I see happening too often in the church is what I read on berealmag.com on How To Be A Supportive Friend. Their main points to be a 'friend': (parenthesise are notes taken from their list)

1. Your job is to listen (you are not required to do anymore than listen)
2. Only give feedback when asked (be general, suggest he/she meditate on it, reflect back to her what she is saying so she can discover for her the best course of action)
3. If you can't be there, be honest (if your too emotionally upset with your own life, tell your "friend" you can't listen right now)

Sounds a bit milk toast to me. To me, a friend does so much more than listen. They encourage, they laugh and cry with me, they give me wisdom from their life experiences, they direct me to other sources of help/wisdom/understanding. And one of the most important aspects to me, a true friend does not hold their tongue when I'm wrong...which is often! I want, and have even encouraged, my friends to be bold and blunt with me, to not be a 'yes' man, or to remain silent when they see danger or sin ahead. I don't want them to be a 'supportive friend' that sees me making bad choices, even unbiblical choices, and says 'whatever you decide I will be there for you'. I want a friend that rises up and says "uh no, that's wrong, or against Gods word, or folly, or just plain dumb". A true friend will say "you hurt me". They will say "we need to make this right".

I love David. There is so much to glean from his life, the good and the bad. Recently I heard PG talk about David and Bathsheba. Something really struck me as I read 2Samuel 11 and 12. Read it with an eye towards how many people had to know what David was doing. Sure, there were not security cameras everywhere, but there would have been palace guards all over the place! Don't you think that there were lookouts on the roof of the palace where David drooled over the sight of Bathsheba bathing? Yet no one said "hey, Davey boy, maybe you shouldn't be peaking that way right now." Who else would have known of the goings on with Bathsheba? How about the messengers sent to bring her to David? Chambermaids that would have made the bed the next morning? Servants who would have brought them food? Guards that were surely stationed right outside the Kings bedroom doors for protection as he slept? How about Joab, the military leader who helped plan the death of Uriah? The list would be huge (political note, maybe like the amount of Secret Service that had to know about Monica....). But they said nothing! Why? Okay, fear of death was the likely reason, but even with that possibility, wouldn't one person stand up to David and say "You're the man!" Nathan was just that man. But he didn't stop with the "you're the man" statement. Read 2Samuel 12:7-12. Wow, he let loose a bunch of stuff. Tough stuff that blew David away. The great and mighty King was faced with the truth. And how did David respond? He had Nathan killed right then and there! No, only kidding. He said "I have sinned against God". Nathan was what I call a friend. He knew David could have him killed, tossed in the slammer forever, etc, etc. But he knew the right thing to do, what God would have him to do. He had to point out to David the error of his ways. No 'Gee Dave, maybe the lust and murder aren't the best way to go, but I'll support you whatever you decide to do here'. What would David have become if Nathan had not spoken up?

Don't misunderstand me. I think support is critical. It has kept me going, especially the last eight months. But I think sometimes that people want to say things to me, but don't want to risk losing that friendship. So they smile and nod their head, supporting me outwardly while struggling inwardly. If you read this and have thought that, I encourage you to be bold. Talk to me, correct me, be a true friend.

There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.....