Back To The Beginning

So I found myself in a situation the other night that wasn't going 'the way I wanted'. Ever been there? If not, check your pulse, you might be dead! Anyway, the words on one side were different than the words from me, yet both claimed to know the will of the Lord in the situation. Is that ever frustrating!!! And I felt anger and retaliation rearing up within me (truth about yourself is not always pretty to look at). I have been praying about this for some time and nothing seems to be working out. But it was Wednesday night, and I had committed to attend the midweek service, so off I went, full of the 'joy of the Lord'. Well not quite. I was ticked off. Right where God wanted me, full of myself and my desires and my pride and my...well full of me.
I think God prepared me for this exact moment, when the "me monster" was in charge. There was not a lot of 'Gods in charge' in my spirit at that moment, truthfully not even an ounce. That is when God works His best, when His words and desires are 180 degree opposite mine. And that is when words were spoken that were meant for me. Sure, there were 2,000 others there that night, but it was if God had a laser pointed right at my heart. "When folks give up on you, He will wait for you" stated PT. It cut through me like a knife. I could hear God say "Do you read your own blog? The first post. When you said when you are about to tap, THEN you rely on me. Remember those words I gave you? Give up, let me. You said you trust me. So give up to me. What if I answer your prayer in a way that is not your way? Will you still trust me? Will you still love me? What if I plan on answering your prayer on my time, not yours? Will you grow weary and stop contending in prayer? Or are you in this for the long haul? Others will fail you, but I am here waiting for you; always".

There He was, right with me the whole time, yet I had chosen to see through my own eyes, not His. At that point I was faced with a decision, continue on MY way, with the attached garbage or repent and move back into Him. God is interested in all of me, all my pain, all my hurt, all my sorrow, all my all my. And as worship continued, God wrapped His arms of compassion around me and assured me, that whatever the outcome, He will be with me.

And that is freedom.